I called Simon and confronted him. "Is there another goat in your life, Simon?"
"I mean, I'll understand if you're not interested in our relationship anymore. People grow, people change."
"Oh, Frank, baby. You're still my one and only."
"So who's the other goat?"
I heard a laugh on the other end, one of those laughs that told me there was so much more to the story than I thought. "Well," Simon explained, "you've been such a great helper around the office. Always taking care of LJ, always making sure everything runs as best as you can. So I figured, for Christmas, that I'd get another goat." He emailed me a picture.
Okay, fine, I'll admit. That's one hot goat, and if I weren't in a committed relationship with LJ, I'd even ... ahem, nevermind. But that wasn't the point! Simon! Another goat! It's true! "We don't --"
He cut me off before I could finish. "Not for us! Do you think there's any goat who could replace you? I bought a goat from Oxfam, so we could spread the joy of having a goat to other families." (Simon's a bit of a geek, he even said "a href equals" and gave me the link over the phone.) "I love you, and you love me, and I wanted to share our love with others."
I breathed a sigh of relief as he continued, "I didn't want to tell you yet. I wanted it to be a surprise."
It was indeed a surprise! And, selfishly, was I relieved to hear that Simon wasn't cheating on me with another goat. But what a great present, indeed -- it was such a great present that I came to post about it right away! And, take it from me: whatever holiday you celebrate, consider giving the joy of a goat next year. Just make sure to tell any other goats in your life before they get suspicious!
Happy holidays, everyone!