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May. 5th, 2006

pants

Holiday!

Oh sure, everyone knows today is Cinco de Mayo. But did you also know today is No Pants Day?

I'm trying to decide how I can best celebrate this holiday, since I don't wear pants anyway. Do I fast for spiritual cleansing (are pants like chametz today)? Or do I engorge myself in those pants left behind by those frolicking in the streets of Austin and Atlanta?

I leave it to you to decide:

No Pants Day:

Wear no pants; eat no pants
1600(15.8%)
Wear no pants; EAT ALL PANTS
8519(84.2%)


Hungrily yours,
Frank

Apr. 1st, 2006

the lj goat

interns taking over livejournal!

You wouldn't believe what happened tonight. The interns tried to take over LiveJournal!

Those punks thought I wouldn't be able to interfere, just because I've been keeping my head down and not chewing on the printer cables lately. But oh, how wrong they are. I've been suspecting they've been plotting this for a while, which is why I've been hiding -- not updating my journal, waiting for them all to forget me. Biding my time. Waiting for this day. And now I have been vindicated, and my plan has paid off! I'm perfectly fine up here in the crow's nest, and I'll be launching the counter-resistance as soon as things settle down a little more.

The LJ staff, on the other hoof, weren't quite as lucky -- burr86 chained them all to the Support boards. Let's hope they stay there! Who knows what they'd do if they broke their chains. Can you imagine them running around? Unsupervised! It makes my fur stand on end just to think about that! Good thing Abe locked them up; I sure could use a night off from overseeing LiveJournal. It's a tiring job, making sure everyone stays out of trouble.

But revmischa. I'm not too happy with him. He wants to get rid of me! He wants to replace me with a one-eyed parrot named Bert! Okay, he's probably a cute one-eyed parrot named Bert, but that's besides the point. He wants to get rid of me! Haven't I been good to you, Mischa? Am I not kind? Am I not merciful? Oh no you di-int.

veroz will talk sense into him, I'm sure. Andy's always level-headed -- except when he's trying to plunder and loot all of LiveJournal, of course -- and I'm sure he'll never let Mischa do anything as silly as letting a parrot take over. Right, Andy? The fame and glory of posting to news won't cause you to forget about your old pal, would it? You'll still feed me pants and server cables?

Kids these days.

Jan. 1st, 2006

classic

(no subject)

Happy New Year, LiveJournal!

Dec. 26th, 2005

eating santa's pants

(no subject)

Oh, my hooves, my aching, aching hooves. The life of a last-minute reindeer substitute is hard, let me tell you. I can't give away any of the trade secrets on how Santa manages to make deliveries to all those houses in such a short time, because I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, but let me just say that it's a LOT harder than it looks on those animated holiday specials on TV.

We had a great night, though, and we got a LOT done, and thank you to everyone who left out pants for me to munch on! (They were really, really good. Especially this pair of superwashed denim that I found in an apartment just outside of Cleveland. Except I don't think I was supposed to eat those, so, uh, if any of you guys got a pair of gift pants with a bite out of the rear, I'm sorry...)

And then I got home and found that for the first night of Hanukkah -- we goats are nondenominational, you know, and we celebrate most human holidays and a whole bunch of our own -- someone had given me the best gift ever: a pair of hoof slippers ... with built-in massagers. So I am kicking back in the goathouse, with my four vibrating slippers on my poor aching hooves and a glass of eggnog, and I will see you all again after the New Year!

(PS: Enjoy the icon of me eating Santa's pants. I kind of got in trouble for it, but at least I waited until we were back at the Pole to take a bite.)

Dec. 24th, 2005

santa hat

(no subject)

Oh my God, I just got the coolest phone call ever. Last year on a whim I registered with the North Pole Temp Agency in case they happened to have any last-minute shortages, and well, apparently this year the reindeer union just got off of transit strike, and a few of them hurt their hooves while they were on the picket fence. I mean picket line. And they called me up because apparently there are a whole lot of LJ users celebrating Christmas, and I know where I'm going and can help steer the sled. So off I go! Be sure to leave some pants out for me to munch on -- the big guy in red still likes cookies, but nothing beats a good pair of jeans after a night of hard work.

So you can load the Santa Tracker tonight and wave to me when I pass overhead. And no matter what holiday you're celebrating this season -- Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, Saturnalia, Festivus, or even just Get A Free Day Off Work Day -- the LJ team and I hope that you have a good one.

Dec. 15th, 2005

mask

Full House

A lot of people don't realize this, but a whole bunch of the people who work on LJ don't actually live in San Francisco. This week, everyone who works remotely visited us here in the office, and today we had an off-site meeting of the whole LJ team -- myself included! -- to plan out what we're going to be doing in 2006. I wanted to spill some of the details, but everyone voted me down! "Frank," they said, "what about the element of surprise? What about that moment when people load their friends page and see the news post announcing something new and cool? What about the sixty pages of people saying 'oh wow, thank you!'?" I wasn't quite convinced, so they said "here, let us show you", and gave people a bunch of really cool things this morning.

"Okay, okay," I said, "maybe you have a point."

It's really great to have everyone in the office, though it does mean that the LJ Fort is a little bit crowded. I sometimes get a wee bit claustrophobic with too many people around -- we goats like our space, you know -- so today I spent a lot of the day chilling out in the Goathouse. They did invite me to lunch for the meeting, though, and I ate the leftovers from lunch so the hotel catering staff wouldn't have to worry about disposing of them! I'm so considerate. (I also ate the tablecloth, but I couldn't help myself. It was so chewy.)

I like having more people around, though. markf brought me a nice, soft pair of sweatpants, and coffeechica knows just where to scratch behind my ears. rahaeli spent a few hours in the meeting knitting -- she claims it's going to be a baby blanket, but I think she's really knitting me a blanket for the Goathouse and just wants it to be a surprise! Because you know, around here, it really is all about me.

I was also there when bradfitz decided to make fun of kevink's Excel habit by making excel_to_lj. If you think my pants addiction is bad, you should see Kevin's Excel habit. Although I don't think he eats it. You never know, though...

Dec. 9th, 2005

naptime

(no subject)

Wow, it's been a long week. Seems like I just updated yesterday, but actually I've been quite baaaad at it this week. I don't think I'm going to have time to reply to all your comments, but thank you for all the offers of pants! (And for those of you who have been worried about two-legged pants not fitting a four-legged creature -- I don't want to wear them. I would look funny clothed. I want to eat them!)

I tried to get Mena to take me to the Les Blogs conference in Paris she went to this week, but we couldn't find a hotel that would let me stay there. They all kept saying "no pets". Hmpf. I'm not a pet. I'm a mascot. We're an entirely different category. But instead I stuck around the office, helping people out. The biggest thing I did this week was road-test our new hoodies. As the description says, I found them delicious -- nicely chewy, with a piquant hint of woodsy flavor. I promise not to eat them all up before you can order them. Well, maybe one or two more ... Okay, okay, I have a problem, all right? I don't make fun of your addictions.

I wonder if there's a local chapter of Clothing Eaters Anonymous I could get to around here.

Anyway, I spent the beginning of the week helping lisa and matthew fix the outgoing email problem, and the rest of the week helping the guys over at Movable Type work on their latest software release. Everyone's starting to see how useful it is to have a goat around the office. I'm cute! I'm talented! I'm modest, too!

I'm still bummed that crucially wouldn't let me ride the Segway to help deliver the emergency 5 terabyte hard drive infusion. But he made up for it by making a cool toy; he took an Ambient Orb and wrote a script to pull together the "current mood" of every new public post to LJ.

With a little bit of figuring out what value to put on which mood -- I mean, it's hard to rate some of our moods as positive or negative -- he and daveman692 made the orb glow red or green depending on whether LJ is sad or happy. For instance, yesterday morning, LJ was in a bad mood, but cheered up a little as the day went by. The bad news is that sometime overnight -- I wasn't paying attention; I was upstairs in my goathouse -- someone stole the orb! But they rigged up a replacement, and LJ is happy today. I guess because it's Friday.

So happy weekend, and I'll try to remember to write in my journal more next week. I'm still waiting for them to rig me up a nice keyboard that's ergonomic for my hooves.

Dec. 3rd, 2005

the lj goat

I have the office to myself!

Ha! Everyone went home for the weekend, and left me all alone in the office. "Frank, you'll be okay by yourself, right?" they said.

Mwah. Ha. Ha. Will I be all right by myself? I'll be fine. You might come back to find that I've eaten all the cables to the print server...

Although -- I do have one request. Hey, guys in the office? Can you make the fridge more hooves-friendly? I managed to get the door open, but I couldn't quite manage the pop-top on the Diet Coke cans. I had to bite the can open. Apologize to the cleaning people for me, will you?

A couple of you asked about the pink couch. Here's a picture of veroz (on the left) and revmischa (on the right), chilling, and here's a picture of Ben and Mena, the co-founders of Six Apart, having a snack break. Ben and Mena are great people who run a great company -- this place is so progressive that they eagerly embrace having even a goat on the payroll.

Welcome to all my new friends! When ljkrissy said that she was going to put me in the news update, I didn't know if I should be excited or scared. I'm not used to having this much of an audience. But you're all wonderful people and I'm really enjoying all your comments.

A lot of people have been asking me what I want for the holidays. I keep pointing people to Heifer International, where you can give the gift of a goat (or a share of one). As well as many other fine animals, but we all know that goats are the very best, right? If you're looking for an unusual gift this season, why not take a gander? Or, you know, a sheep, or a llama ...

So is anyone doing anything interesting this weekend? And more importantly, who's going to bring me some PANTS?

Dec. 2nd, 2005

king of the hill

(no subject)

It was raining like you wouldn't believe in San Francisco yesterday, and I found one small flaw with my wonderful new goathouse.

It leaks.

Not a big leak. Just a little drip, drip, drip, right over my goat bed. So I climbed down the ladder into the office -- let me tell you, ladders are hell on hooves -- and I complained to the building maintenance. They're sending out a repair guy as soon as it dries out, and in the meantime, I'm chilling in the office. We have a killer pink couch right by the meeting room, so I'm kicking back and spending my Friday watching the office goings-on. There's a party every Friday evening in the office. I'm hoping I can get someone to mix me up a Goat Slobber. (I think they'll probably tell me there's enough goat slobber on the couch already. I can't help it if I drool sometimes!)

In the meantime, I've been watching the Segway races. crucially, our new engineering manager -- a nice guy who knows right where to scratch behind my ears -- bought a Segway, and they've been having five-minute Segway breaks. I tried it, but it's balanced for two feet, not four. Everyone's been getting pretty good at riding it ... with the exception of a few tragic accidents.

Thanks to everyone who made me new userpics! veroz has promised that he'll make me a great new journal design. He's the one who keeps dressing me up for the front page. He's gotten quite good at capturing my good side -- I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!

Dec. 1st, 2005

classic

Gimme userpics!

So a few people in the office have said "Frank, it's good to see you're making entries again, but you know what you really need? More userpics!"

It's kind of hard to operate graphic design programs with hooves, though, so I'll ask you guys. Does anyone feel like making me some userpics? Either pictures of me, or pictures of other goats -- it doesn't matter. (If you use other goats, though, be sure they're handsome. Maybe I can find some pictures of our goat celebrities for userpics, like how you humans use human celebrities.)

If anyone wants to make me some userpics, leave them in the comments! I'll take the ones I like the best and credit the maker. Extra points for the most creative "Frank sighting" you can come up with in 100x100 pixels!

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